How to Look Beautiful, Dead or Alive

Kristal Hollis:

Life in the Boomer Lane tickled me funny with this …

Originally posted on Life in the Boomer Lane:

Jill-Kargman

Throw out every single beauty product you haveJill Kargman, the daughter of the former chairman of Chanel (BIG money, access to all of the best beauty secrets on the planet) has revealed in the New York Times every single beauty procedure and beauty product she uses.  Let’s skip over the fact that Jill doesn’t allow the sun to touch any part of her face or body. As she attests, her goal is to look like a corpse.

Let’s also skip over the fact that Jill starts her day at 5:30 at the gym. She takes a 6AM SoulCycle class.  SoulCycle is named that because it goes so fast that it rips the soul out of your body and sends it spinning into oblivion. Plus you lose about 30 lbs every time you do it.

(Note to readers: At approximately the same time that Jill is…

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Contests, indie projects, news and more…

Kristal Hollis:

Mark your calendars, the count has begun.

Originally posted on Smart Girls love SciFi:

Hi everyone! Seems like a good time for a potpourri post. Here is a bit of what’s happening here, there, and yonder.

Mark your calendars!The dates for the 2015 Coastal Magic Convention have been confirmed. It will be February 5-8, 2015 at the Daytona Beach Hilton.

BoxArtDON’T FORGET about our Avengers giveaway! Win a Blu-Ray/DVD copy of AVENGERS CONFIDENTIAL: BLACK WIDOW & PUNISHER.  See the giveaway post for details on how to enter.

For another chance to win, visit SF Signal.

SFR in the news. Did you see this great post about SFR on the USA Today’s HEA blog? Kudos to Veronica Scott for getting SFR out to the HEA audience.

Here is a fun new project: Imaginapped. According to filmmaker Stian Hafstad, it’s a fun sci-fi/fantasy adventure film. Set in a world where imaginary friends are real, and every kid has a superhero or monster following them around as an…

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Yoda is such a driving force

He’s become an instructor.photo


Well, Isn’t That Smurfy

We need to time warp into the past. So, press your nose and click your heels and repeat, “There’s no place like the eighties. There’s no place like the eighties. There’s no place like the eighties.”

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

La

.

.

.

Have you landed?

In front of the TV?

One Saturday morning in 1981?

To see this?


Then you’re right where I want you need to be. In Smurfdom. A place where magickal forest creatures only three apples high live in mushroom houses and think everything is smurfy. And, it usually is–smurfy, except when Gargamel and Azrael  try to capture the syrupy-sweet blue butts for a scrumptious Smurf stew.

Every Saturday morning, we children of the eighties, tuned in to watch the bold adventures of tiny Smurfs battling the giant warlock and his feline side-kick.

Week after week, we cheered as the Smurfs outsmarted the dimwitted Gargamel and averted his plans to capture and eat them.  Before long, we were smurfalized by their smurfy antics and phrases  like “Isn’t it smurfy?” and “Absosmurfly” corrupted seeped into our vernacular.

The Smurfs could do no wrong. We loved them. Adored them. We soaked up their sugary goodness like eager diabetic sponges and we modeled their smurfy behavior to ad nauseum.

Imagine a world of people skipping to work, picking flowers along the way, and singing “la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.”  With a,  “smurfy to see you, (insert name) Smurf” ever present on their lips. Where smurfy goodness reigns supreme. Each day, full of sunshine and smurfy delights. Aaaaahhh (close your eyes with a smurfy sigh)

**wop**

Yeah, that’s me slapping some sense back into you, my friends, before you actually succumb to those  creepy alien  smurfy forces.

You see, the evil altruistic master-plan of world domination via smurfization doesn’t work on me.  I believe in fairness, justice and equality.

In Smurfdom, the Smurfs always win. What’s fair about that? Seems mighty suspicious if you ask me. Like a gambler winning every hand at a Vegas casino. The odds are stacked and screams of cheating.

After one too many times of those bullies smurflings beating down Gargamel, I began to see the dark horse trapped inside the inept warlock.  Like the pitiful Wylie Coyote, Gargamel evolved into an unlikely underdog in need of a champion.

Of course, I switched my allegiance.   It wasn’t right that he was always the loser. Poor, starving Gargamel. Everyone deserves at least one glorious victory in their lifetime, right?  Even if victory means eating a smurf.

Warp ahead thirty years and Gargamel might finally enjoy his stew.  The blue butts are back and packing lots of smurfy attitude.

Don’t be disarmed by their smurfy cuteness. They were almost the down-fall of an entire generation. We must not to let it happen again. Our children’s future depends on it.

The_Smurfs_2_poster

What 80s cartoon would you most like to revisit on the Big Screen?


Who’s Dhere?

I always feel like somebody’s watching me….

(c)Kristal Hollis

Cuz  I  IZ watching you...

(c) Kristal Hollis

Cuz every sound u make, every move u make, i iz watching u

(video by thxbone)

Have you experienced that creepy-crawly feeling of being watched? Were you right?


My Favorite Things

Julie Andrews is one of my all-time favorite actors. And during the holiday season, the song My Favorite Things from “The Sound of Music” is never out of my mind. On a whim, I personalized the lyrics to reflect my favorite things and I’d like to share them with you.
Cue music, please….

Butterfly waltzes and sweet puppy kisses
Dragonfly aerials on gentle sea breezes
Colorful hummingbirds with whispering wings
These are a few of my favorite things.
Silvery moons and the magick of midnight
Campfires and fireflies and crisp, starry nights
Scary ghost stories that make my heart ping
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cozying up with a really good book
Pizza delivery on nights I don’t cook
Thundering storms and the rains that they bring
These are a few of my favorite things
When my day sucks
When my muse flees
When I feel like crap
I simply remember my favorite things
And if all else fails, I take a nap. 
Seasons blessings y’all!
~kristal

Resistance is Futile: Mondays and Gangnam Style

Remember the old song, Rainy Days and Mondays (Get Me Down)?  Well, I lubs rainy days. Even at my age (which, and I’m not kidding, I truly forget how old I am) I still splash mud puddles.  (You’ve been warned.)

My problems lies with Mondays. They force me back to a mundane 8-5 routine (not exactly those hours, but you get the idea) and I loathe that kind of schedule. I’m a night person. (A vampire could be my best friend, but I’m too in love with the werewolves.) The hubster, aka Professor X, is on a night schedule. Lucky bastard man.

It takes a crane to haul my butt out of bed at 5:30 on Monday mornings.  And fire retardant gear.  Somehow after falling asleep I morph into a dragonness. I snarl and snap and breath fire on anything or anyone foolish brave enough to wake me.

Prof X thought a little Gangnam style would help get me going on Mondays. His efforts garnered him a Gibbs head slap. Twice.

Still, he repeatedly tried to coerce me into accepting this world-wide phenomenon. While he plastered his Facebook page with Gangnam images and wheeled around the house singing and doin’ the dance, I stuck to my phasers, raised my shields, and ignored the antics.

But Shannyn Schroeder and Angela Quarles unearthed my Kryptonite ~

Now I’ve been GANGNAMized.  Have you?


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